Time Off for Bad Behavior

School isn’t the only place – the Junior Tennis World will give you time off for bad behavior, too!  And, yes, I do speak from personal experience.

I haven’t really addressed the whole area of conduct and suspension points on ParentingAces yet, so I figure now is as good a time as any given that my kid just avoided a very close call with a 3-month tournament suspension.  I suspect there are junior tennis players who will get through their entire tournament career without ever receiving a code violation or suspension point, but my kid isn’t one of them.

Let me advise you once again that if you and your child have NOT yet read the USTA publication FRIEND AT COURT, do so immediately!  It is crucial that you and your child are both familiar with the Code of Conduct (Part 2 of the Friend At Court beginning on Page 45 of the pdf file) and understand which behaviors are permitted and which are not as well as the possible consequences.  While most tournament officials are well-trained and well-intentioned, every now and then you’ll run across one who is not, and it is imperative that your child understands his “rights” in terms of warnings, code violations, suspension points, and appeals (see page 180 of the Friend At Court).  Also, many of the guidelines for assessing penalties are left up to the discretion of the official (see Table 17 on page 124); therefore, it is best for players to avoid completely ANY behaviors that might be punishable by loss of a point.  Please note that it is within the discretion of the officials to immediately disqualify a player, without warning, who exhibits a single act of flagrant unsportsmanlike behavior.

As with most things USTA-related, each state or section may have its own rules regarding suspension.  In Georgia, “the Point Penalty System is linked to a Suspension Point System [see page 17 of the 2012 Junior Rules & Regulations], whereby players are suspended from all USTA play for a period of 3 months if they accumulate ten (10) Suspension Points in a twelve (12) month period.”  The Point Penalty System applies to violations during the warm-up as well as the match as follows:
• During all matches (main draw, compass draw, consolation, qualifying and doubles);
• During tournament activities;
• At tournament facilities;
• At facilities, such as hotels, dormitories, and homes where players stay.

Here’s what our Georgia Juniors need to know:

•  Every effort will be made by USTA Georgia to notify any player who has accumulated six (6) or more suspension points that s/he is more than half-way to a suspension. Timing sometimes makes this impossible. Absence of such notification in no way alters the validity of suspension points assessed.

•  The player will be notified using the contact information on file with USTA Membership when he/she reaches ten (10) or more Junior Suspension Points. The player will have one week to submit a written appeal to the USTA Georgia office – attention Grievance Committee. If the suspension is deemed appropriate after the appeal process, the suspension from any USTA Georgia sanctioned event will immediately be effective for a minimum period of three (3) months.

• After serving the suspension these ten (10) Junior Suspension Points will be cleared from the player’s record. All other suspension points, if any, shall remain on the player’s record and count toward a second suspension.

• All Tournament Directors and the USTA Southern office will be notified of each suspension.

• Suspensions apply to all USTA Sanctioned programs and tournaments, including Adult League, Junior TeamTennis, Adult tournaments and Junior tournaments in other sections.

• Repercussions from suspension will include elimination of selection for any special programs sponsored by USTA Georgia such as Junior Southern Cup, USTA Tennis Player Development Programs, USTA Competition Training Center programs, USTA Southern Training Camps, USTA Georgia Training Camps, etc.

• Players whose suspensions extend up to the sanctioned start date of the Georgia State Junior Closed Qualifying Championship or through the Georgia State Junior Closed Qualifying Championship are not eligible to request a Waiver for the USTA Southern Closed Junior Championship.

• If a violation leading to a suspension (3 months or longer) occurs thirty (30) days prior to or during the Level 1 Georgia State Junior Closed Qualifying Championship, the player will not be endorsed to the USTA Southern Closed Junior Championship.

• A suspension with onset during the Georgia State Junior Closed Qualifying Championship cannot be appealed to the USTA Georgia Grievance Committee.

My son went into this year’s Georgia Qualifying Championship with 9 suspension points on his record, most of which came during a particularly stressful period last summer.  In addition to the pressure of trying to qualify for the Southern Closed, my son was also dealing with the pressure of having to be on his absolute best behavior so as to avoid having his summer tournament plans go out the window.  Believe me, this is NOT a situation my kid ever wants to be in again, nor is it a situation that his coach (or his parents!) want him to replicate.

By reading and learning the Code, we parents can help our kids avoid situations like my son’s.  By instilling our own personal Code in our kids and enforcing it from the beginning of their tennis-playing years, we can help them learn to manage their emotions more effectively even when in the heat of battle.  My husband and I didn’t do such a great job at that, but we’ve learned our lesson . . . and so has our son.

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Beyond Winning & Losing

Our state qualifier for the Southern Closed was this past week.  For the first time ever, my son knew when he applied for entry to the tournament that he would get in – he had worked hard all year to move his state ranking into a proper position.  Now the challenge was getting far enough in the Qualifier to secure a spot in the Closed.

The Tennis Gods smiled upon him with his draw, but it was still up to him to capitalize on some great opportunities to get to the Round of 16 (or further) and get that guaranteed entry into the sectional tourney.  It was going to be a challenge, for sure.  His track record with “gifts” in the draw wasn’t all that great – in the past, he had often lost to players with much lower rankings than his own, so he was going to have to draw on all the training he had been doing with his coach to stay focused and get the job done.

After winning his first match in less-than-ideal weather conditions, he got to play his second round on center court at the main tournament site with several of his friends and other coaches standing around and periodically watching him.  He won the first set 6-0 in about 12 minutes, absolutely crushing his opponent at every opportunity.  But, old habits die hard, and he wound up falling behind 0-4 in the 2nd set before fighting back a bit then losing it 4-6.  Thank goodness for the 10-minute break after splitting sets!  I have no idea what my son’s coach told him on the phone, but he came into that 3rd set swinging away, jumping to a 5-0 lead before finally closing out the set and the match 6-0, 4-6, 6-2.  He had made it to the Round of 16 and had his spot in the Closed!

The next morning, he was slated to play the 2 seed, a boy who he had never played before, a boy who is a 5-star rated player, a boy who wins big tournaments on a regular basis.  This was my son’s chance to test his game against the Big Boys, to see how he held up and where he needed work.  What an opportunity!  He went on court ready to do battle.  He pushed the 2 seed hard in the first set, making him work for every point and every game.  My son lost that set 4-6, but he proved to himself that he could compete at this level, that he has what it takes to keep moving forward with his development.  The next set didn’t go quite as well, but, still, my son walked off the court with his head held high, knowing he had left everything he had out there.

Day 3 brought the Back Draw and another opportunity to play a 5-star player in the day’s second match.  By this point, my son was exhausted – mentally and physically – and the match ended quickly though not in my son’s favor.  The tournament was now over for him, and it was time to reflect:

• He reached his goal of qualifying for the Southern Closed.
• One of his favorite college coaches saw him play and crush his opponent then congratulated him afterward on the great win.
• His former coach saw him play the 2 seed and commented on how far he’s come in the last year.
• After playing the 2 seed, he immediately got a text from another player asking him to play doubles in the Southern Closed – his Tennis Clout jumped about 100 places as a result of his effort in that match.
• His current coach watched his first back draw match and got the opportunity to coach him during a rain delay following a sloppy first set.  My son went back on court and did exactly what his coach told him,  winning the match at his first opportunity.  His coach was beaming!
• His tennis peers told him repeatedly over the course of the tournament how well he was playing – that does a teenage ego good!
• He used his mental toughness training and stayed calm throughout each match – you have no idea how huge that is!!!!
• He saw what he needs to work on between now and the Closed and is ready to put in the hard yards.  The next level is finally within his reach.

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Tennis Etiquette

I saw a Facebook post from a friend of mine over the weekend whose two elementary-school-age sons have recently taken up tennis.  They were playing in their first USTA Junior Team Tennis match, and the mom was rudely informed by another parent that cheering was NOT allowed.  These two brothers also play baseball – where parental cheering is not only allowed but often gets way out of hand – so Mom just assumed she could vocally encourage her boys during their tennis match in the same way.

In the interest of helping other Tennis Parents avoid any untoward (ha!) behavior during their children’s tennis matches, here are some tips:

League Tennis Matches

• No coaching of any kind is allowed; saying, “Move your feet” or “Hit to her backhand” is considered coaching; so are hand signals!
• No cheering is allowed other than polite clapping after a good point
• Do not clap after an opponent’s error such as a double-fault or easy miss
• Parents/coaches are not allowed on the court during a match
• Parents are not allowed to speak to their child during a match, not even to ask if they need something to drink
• Players must bring their own drinks and snacks onto the court – they are not allowed to ask their parent to bring them a drink or snack during the match though they may ask another parent or their team’s captain to do so
• If there is a dispute between the players regarding a line call or the correct score, the players must settle the dispute themselves; parents are not allowed to intervene (in extreme cases, a team captain may intervene)
• Refer to the league’s website for rules specific to that league

USTA Sanctioned Tournament Matches

• The League Tennis tips apply here as well
• If there are tournament officials (referees and/or umpires) available, one or both players (NOT parents!) may ask for an official to help resolve disputed line calls or scores; the official’s decision is binding though it may be later appealed to the main Tournament Umpire or further up the chain to the Section’s Head of Junior Competition
• USTA rules of behavior are enforced by tournament staff and officials; violations may be penalized with warnings and/or point penalties and/or suspension points; poor behavior BY THE PARENTS may result in the PLAYER receiving a point penalty or suspension point; 10 suspension points within one calendar year equal a 3-month suspension from all sanctioned tournament play
• It is in your and your child’s best interest to be respectful and friendly toward all tournament staff, including the on-court officials; believe me, I speak from personal experience!

High School Tennis Matches

• Cheering is allowed and encouraged though parents and fans are advised to keep the cheering polite and friendly
• Coaching is allowed BY THE TEAM’S COACH at the side changes and at the end of each set
• During the regular season, officials are not typically present, so players must resolve their own disputes
• During playoffs, officials may be present; therefore, USTA rules of behavior may be enforced, including assigning suspension points for poor behavior and/or rule violations
• Refer to your state high school athletic association’s website for rules specific to your state

College Tennis Matches

• Cheering is allowed and encouraged though parents and other fans are advised to keep the cheering polite and friendly; fans have been evicted from matches for heckling!
• Service lets are playable – if a serve hits the net, it is considered in play if it lands within the service box
• Coaching is allowed BY THE TEAM’S COACHING STAFF at any time during the match though not during a point
• During the regular season, officials are not typically present, so players must resolve their own disputes
• During tournaments including the National Tournament at the end of the season, officials are usually on each court and may over-rule line calls and help settle other disputes
• Refer to the NCAA and ITA websites for more rules

At all levels of play, it is absolutely appropriate for you, the parent, to congratulate your child’s opponent (and the parents) on a match well-played.  However, even if you feel that the match wasn’t played with the utmost sporting behavior from the opponent, it is NEVER okay to confront another parent or child, either verbally or of course physically; take your complaints to the tournament officials if you feel they are warranted.  Just keep in mind how you would like the opponent’s parents to treat YOUR child and, by all means, BE FAIR!

For more information (and this should be required reading for every tennis player and parent!), click here to download and read the 2012 version of USTA’s Friend At Court.

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Dealing with Disappointment

I know.  You saw the title and expected to read about how to deal with your child’s disappointment after a loss . . . or something along those lines.  But, this piece is about dealing with your own disappointment when something doesn’t go quite right in your child’s tennis-centric world.

A fellow tennis parent wrote me last week, telling me about her child’s recent tournament schedule.  He has some important tournaments coming up and so decided to play a low-level local tourney just to build some confidence.  The child figured he could get a couple of easy wins and feel ready for next weekend, which will be a much tougher tournament.

Well, as I am sure you can guess, it didn’t go as planned and the child played the worst tennis of his life.  This was odd because the coach had just gotten done telling the parents and the player that he’s playing the best he’s (the coach) ever seen him play. Now he goes out and loses to a kid who is (according to the mom) awful, who he beat 0 & 1 a year ago, who has no serve, no strokes, and probably very few tennis lessons.  The mom wrote, “He was supposed to play a second match and I did something I’ve never done before.  We took him out of the tournament because given his mental state, all he would have done was go out and lose to another player he shouldn’t lose to.”

Mom went on to say, “I don’t usually get upset by these things but this whole thing has been really bothersome.  First of all, how could he actually lose to this boy? Second, how does a ranking recover from such an awful loss — does it? And third, why is this bothering me so much?”

The #3 part is what really got to me!  We tennis parents invest so much energy, emotion, time, and, yes, money in our kids that I think it’s perfectly normal to take their results personally.  The important thing is the face we present to THEM, the words we use when discussing their results with them.  But, again, I think it’s perfectly normal to FEEL disappointment when our child doesn’t live up to our (or their own) expectations.

My advice to the parent who wrote me was that it’s okay to feel the disappointment and even to vocalize it every now and then if you feel your kid isn’t putting in the necessary effort.  But, at some point, we have to let go and let our kids own their tennis.  In this particular case, the mom reported that her son did a very healthy, mature thing – he shrugged off the loss as “having a bad day” and then proceeded to let it go, going back to work on the courts the next morning.  The takeaway from these types of experiences should be something along the lines of:  I have taught my kid well, he has been a willing student, I have to trust him with his tennis.

I’m going through something similar with my son right now, but it has to do with his academic performance rather than his performance on a tennis court.  Having two older children for whom school came pretty willingly and naturally, I really don’t know how to parent a kid who only wants to play tennis and who hasn’t yet realized the importance of balancing that with a good education.  Every time he brings home a grade that I consider less than stellar, I feel let down, like I’ve somehow failed him as a parent.  Should I have read to him more as a baby?  Was homeschooling him for part of  middle school a huge mistake?  Should I move him to a small private school for the remainder of his high school career so he gets more personal attention?  How did he miss getting the I-Love-To-Learn gene?  What did I do wrong???

And, then, I take a deep breath (okay, maybe 100 deep breaths!) and realize that my son is now at the age where he HAS to take responsibility for his dreams and goals.  I can’t – and shouldn’t – do it for him.  If he wants to have a shot at playing tennis at his dream schools, then HE has to buckle down, study better, and get the grades necessary to be a desirable recruit.  Grades do matter.  SAT/ACT scores do matter.  He heard that from the horses’ mouths this past weekend in Athens.  Now, it’s up to him.

That doesn’t mean I won’t feel disappointed if he doesn’t figure this school thing out.  That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel disappointed if he doesn’t figure it out.  And, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to my disappointment or that I should down-play it as unimportant – my disappointment matters, too!

But, as disappointed as I might feel when he bombs a test or loses an easy match, I know it’s nothing compared to how he’s feeling inside.  The on-going challenge for me is putting my own disappointment aside and being his firm support when he most needs me.  So far, I haven’t been all that successful in that department – I’ve let my own feelings show way too much.  But, I’m working on it and will continue to work on it, both for my own sake and for my son’s, so I don’t disappoint either of us.

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